Filled with entertaining minutia, but honestly it holds no real substance of a narrative. Filled with uplifting bravado, gutter realism, but when you describe "blood and feces on the wall" in the same yarn of kings and princes, it comes off as a contrast with no relation.
This is all meant to be a critique mind, I don't want to discourage, but to encourage to do better. Also a minor point, it would make it easier to read, if you break up the paragraphs. A section can be one or two sentences, if it helps the reader follow along.
Filled with entertaining minutia, but honestly it holds no real substance of a narrative. Filled with uplifting bravado, gutter realism, but when you describe "blood and feces on the wall" in the same yarn of kings and princes, it comes off as a contrast with no relation.
This is all meant to be a critique mind, I don't want to discourage, but to encourage to do better. Also a minor point, it would make it easier to read, if you break up the paragraphs. A section can be one or two sentences, if it helps the reader follow along.
I see real promise, hope you continue writing.