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The Man Behind the Screen's avatar

Quite a lot to like here. Strong pacing, good visuals, and a decent sense of stakes exists within the narrative. You manage to show Holg as capable, intelligent, and still at risk enough that he's required to fight intelligently.

Small piece of advice, though - since this story isn't finished, maybe note in the title that it's part 1 of 2. It wasn't until I reached the final three paragraphs that I realized this was going to end in the middle, which is a little disappointing since that's when the action started to ramp up.

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Joseph L. Wiess's avatar

The story is somewhat incomplete, but so far, it's a good story. Plenty of action, a little drama, some great description. I can't wait for part II.

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